I've Made Up My Mind...Or So I Thought

Ok for the last week or probably more i've been having trouble figuring out what God wants me to do. The problem was he was telling me what i should do it just wasnt the answer i wanted to hear. But last night i went to him and he told me the same thing. I became fully aware that i wasnt bein faithful to the God that has been incredible to me and felt so bad i just started to worship him. I've been so far away from God and i didnt even realize it, well to some extent. Pastor Jordan's class was perfect for me. I've been luke warm and not hot like i should be. I find it to be hard bein a Christian, but it's truly worth every hardship i go through...ok so what i typed before i saved as a draft. I feel soo confused, i had made up my mind that what God was saying to me was what i was goin to do and i told God that i was. But now i feel i'm bein told to go with the feelin i had before, but im not sure if its God telling me or just me not wanting to let go and trust God. Last night i had, what i thought, let go of the feelings, but of course i was wrong. Sometimes i really wonder why God made me the way i am because i can never really figure how i feel and i feel stupid. I feel i should be able to know how i feel. I am 18 but the years and the things i have gone throug havent seem to help figure what is goin on inside me. Then i start to feel that when i do have confidence i screw things up for others. A island to myself to be alone and not be confused and screwing things up sounds mighty great to me. I know i'm bein stupid but i am bein very honest with whoever care to read my blog. Honest is the best thing a person can offer to another, well thats at least what i think right now...